We’ve given you the worst. Now here’s the best. Well, not the best. When it comes to my writing nothing is ever the best. You will never see the best from me. Never.
Anyway, here’s a list of Halloween costumes that have either made me laugh or that I’ve found to be somewhat inventive. In other words, these are costumes (or costume categories) that no one will understand or appreciate besides me. So, per usual, it’s all about me. ME. NOT YOU, ME.
▪ Cheating Husband / Wife
Infidelity, what a gas! This is an incredibly simple costume that can be altered to hilarious degrees. Lipstick on the collar, tussled hair, wedding ring in the shirt pocket, various hickies peppering the neck – dress this up anyway you see fit. I based my cheating husband costume off pictures of my father from the 80s. And the 90s.
▪ The FedEx Pope
From the annals of Late Night with Conan O’Brien (back when it was actually funny) comes The FedEx Pope. This is another really simply costume to put together. All you need is a free FedEx shipping box in place of the Pope’s mitre, a dirty old robe (preferably yellow and stained, just like my teeth), mismatching dirty slippers and a glass of red wine.
▪ Teen Wolf
This costume is far more involved, but the effort will not go undeserved. I’ve seen variations of this costume (with the denim jacket, etc.), but the only way to dress this thing is full-on Beaver Basketball Uniform. There are sites that offer ‘hairy leggings & sleeves’, which will work in this costume.
▪ 80’s Guilty Pleasure Movies
Even though Teen Wolf fits into this category, I wanted to throw together a few movie suggestions whose characters are not only recognizable, but would also make cheap costumes.
Easy – tight grey sweatshirt, even tighter light blue jeans, dirty white canvas sneakers and the spirit of dance.
Lucas Barton from The Wizard
This is a little more complex. You’ll need a cheesy black trench coat, jeans, sneakers and the almighty Nintendo Power Glove. “I love the Power Glove. It’s so bad.”
Not too tough – suits and ex-President masks. Oh yeah, you also need to be ok with slapping an intense ‘high-five’ in mid-air after jumping out of a plane.
Just stay home.